How quickly I moved from "good job, God" to " quit messing with my life again!" It has been a tough week. Mom is slowing down gradually. She spends more time sleeping. My father-in-law had a medical emergency. he spent some time in the ICU but is home now to recuperate. My aunt Liz isn't doing well. When I visited her in June, she didn't look good- seemed sad. The PA has tried changing a few things. She called yesterday to say we are only making things worse. We will go back to the meds she was on and let Liz be for now.
I can't take Shelton a meal. I can't go hug Liz. I can't fix any of these situations. I want to blame God and fuss because He is messing with me. The reality is all of this - cancer, dementia, medical emergencies, loneliness - comes because I live in a broken world filled with disease, loss and pain. I reach out my hand and once again grab the hand of God trusting in His goodness and comfort. I open my eyes and heart to God's presence all around me. I am grateful that Shelton is recovering. I am grateful for the loving care Liz gets at the nursing home. I am grateful for sunshine, blue sky, cardinals, goldfinches and half a Chipotle burrito waiting for me in the refrigerator!
I began this journey meditating on Psalm 86. I read it again this morning and found hope and comfort in David's words.
Bring joy to your servant, for to you, O Lord, I lift up my soul. v.4
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