Be love.

Mom has okay days and not so good days. She sleeps a lot and when she is awake, I try to get some nourishment down her. We've transitioned from grilled cheese to milkshakes. Her blender must be fifty years old - and works better than any blender I have! Luckily I had hospice drop off a walker - just in case. It arrived Tuesday and we used it right away! She is suddenly unsteady on her feet and the walker is perfect to help her get from her bed to her chair in the living room. The changes are no longer incremental but seem to be these huge leaps from strength to weakness, eating at the table to eating in her chair or in bed, from up a huge part of the day to spending most of the day in bed.
a deep feeling of sadness washes over me. I am often at a loss as to what to do - there is so little I can do. I cannot fix this - but how I long to make it all better. So I sit with her, talk to her, get her whatever food interests her, help her get to bed, and tell her I love her.
It is interesting that as I have struggled to "be" with God and not be so focused on "doing" for God, now God is showing me how much He values "being". I have always thought life was about doing. God is teaching me how to be - with Him and with others.
One of the couples who have travelled with my mom and dad came by yesterday. They shared with Mom their delight in all of the trips they had been on. They couldn't decide if it had been the places they had been or who they had been with that was what gave them the greatest joy.
When answering the question about the most important commandment, Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength. AND love your neighbor as yourself." While love is an action, I am learning that love is something we are - just by listening or sitting with or holding a hand. Be love.